Tonight as I kissed Cara goodnight she said,
"Mummy I don't want you to die."
"I will die one day," I said gently, "everyone does but I'm certainly not intending to die for a long time if I can help it."
"I don't want you to."
"It does seem very scary but don't be scared. My Mum died and see, I can still smile. When people die you do miss them but you carry on and you can still have fun and be happy. Life carries on."
"You can play and laugh and they will watch you."
"Yes, I like to think my Mum watches me. I like to think she laughs at what we get up to. When you get older it's less scary." I sort of lied. I say sort of because I can remember the same terror when I was a child. As you grow older you become more resigned to it. Does it become less scary? I suppose that it does in general life until it's inevitable and you are forced to face it.
"Mille's Daddy died, Millie with the long hair in my class."
"Did he? I imagine he was very poorly. That can happen. Sometimes people can get very bad sicknesses that are much worse than coughs and colds and sick-bugs. Freddie Mercury died of a very bad disease."
"Did he? How do you know?"
"It was on the news," I replied. "I don't intend to go until I'm very old though. I might live until I'm two-hundred and fifty!"
Cara grinned.
"Okay."
"So you have to look after your health. It's my job to look after yours to stop you getting illnesses and to keep your body healthy. I try to make you eat the right food and get you to go to SLEEP on time," I prodded her grinning.
"When Phoenix tried to kill me he broke my heart," Cara added, trying to delay my departure and the onset of bed time.
"Did he?" I replied trying not to smile. "How did he do that?"
"He pushed me...right there..and then jumped on me and pushed me again. It nearly broke my heart and I could have died."
"You know how Thomas does that to you too only he's little so it doesn't hurt so much?"
"Yes but Phoenix did it harder and tried to kill me."
"Thomas does it because he thinks you're great and wants to play with you. Well, Phoenix is doing that too. He's rough with you because he likes you. That's how little boys act when they want you to be their friends."
"But he tried to kill me."
"He must really like you then."
"Ugh! I never want to kiss someone. I like kissing you and Daddy but I don't want to kiss anyone else."
"You don't have to if you don't want to," I laughed. "You might want someone to kiss you one day though."
"Yuck no and I don't want to marry a boy either."
"Look at me, I married Daddy and it's fun. If he does the thing where he tries to show he likes me by breaking my heart I just tell him off and then we're friends again. Boys are fine when you learn how to deal with them."
Cara grinned knowingly and made a few 'eww...kissing...yuk' noises before resigning herself to her bed.

And so the conversation ended.